etta

Been trying to write one of my last posts but the heat is just too much have no motivation... hopefully I can grind this out before back to school starts lmao

hello, your posts ( especially the weekly reflection) are really good! Stay safe :hearts:

i’ve now changed my name to etta!

https://youtu.be/vP_-s35j5-w

This is a video titled “Why you should say Black Lives Matter,” a discussion on the importance of speaking up about the recent movement. I highly suggest people to listen to the full discussion.

note to myself when I can’t fall asleep:

This is something that I suppose I’m writing for myself in a natural flow.

I’m currently in a mood where I’m ever so slightly anxious and I’ve lost the motivation to continue to do things. And when I do start in certain things, I feel like I’m not reaching my potential.

I don’t know if this is something common for everyone at this moment in time. I’m turning 21 in a few months. I don’t know what I want to do. I’m in my junior year in college without an internship. And I’m feeling exhausted despite not doing much daily.

I wonder what motivates people to have the energy to wake up during this period of time and carry out their days as usual.

I have summer plans. I just didn’t fully execute them like I imagined for the past few days.

I was going to continue my research work for very few hours a week and continuing learning online. There’s an Edx course called “Sustainable Packaging in a Circular Economy” that I recommend people check it out since it is one of the better designed courses on Edx.

I video-chatted with my family today and they told me that they want me to be happy in life and truly find a career that I like. But I don’t know if that’s possible. I don’t think anything can be enjoyable when they’re done on repeat.

I originally thought that I could endure something for years to come because I am someone who easily discovers the interesting aspects in work. I’m willing to find the sparkly little bits in trash and hold them up to the sunlight so as to blind myself and thus ignore the trash.

But I don’t know anymore.

What if one day the trash overflows.

I’ve been experimenting with video editing and such to share the more enjoyable moments of my life with others. But I don’t know if this is something that I can continue to strive for when everyday I am on the nerve about the tiny annoyances in life. Today I was distracted because of the temperature in the room and my hair irritating my back. I don’t know what’s going to irritate me tomorrow.

I guess I wanted to leave this note on this platform because I want people to know that similar social media platforms can be blinding because we are seeing people at their best but we don’t know what people are hiding away from the camera and their pens. But I can even bring myself to post this as a blog because it is terrifying to expose the vulnerable bits to others.

I want whoever is reading this to know that: if you’re feeling really upset lately, you’re not alone.

Life is fluncuating and one can remain in the same upward motion forever.

I’m starting to feel sleepy.

A phrase that means insomnia in French is nuit blanche, which translate to a white night. I think it’s very beautiful.

Good night.