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𝐌 𝐚 𝐣 𝐨 𝐫   𝐒 𝐩 𝐨 𝐢 𝐥 𝐞 𝐫 𝐬 𝐀 𝐡 𝐞 𝐚 𝐝

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This entry takes the relevant information

from the manga of "Death Note", as well

as the anime serialisation.

TW: Brief Mentions of Death,

Murder, Terrorism, Sexual Assault,

War, Criminal activity, Violence, and

contains dubious moral content.

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❝ It's not our business to debate whether

Kira is good or evil; we just have to catch him.

If Kira gets caught, then he is evil. If he wins

and rules the world, then he is justice.❞

— Light Yagami on "Justice".

#GrandNakama

#VillainsConfession

:copyright: Wiki Cover

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𝙄. ❰❰ 𝙋𝙧𝙚𝙛𝙖𝙘𝙚 ❱❱

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This entry is nothing but an attempt at understanding the inner world of the controversial Yagami Light, and an imagination of what he would have possibly said to justify his actions. My inspiration was the ending phase of Death Note (Ch.108 in the Manga and Ep.37 of the anime) because despite their differences in tone, they highlighted different aspects of Light's final moments. The similarity remains that as Light was aware of his imminent death, his first instinct was an attempt at justification, at explanation and at being understood. He expressed that he thought of himself to be righteous, selfless, to not have imposed his ideals on the world and to have forfeited power, fame and personal achievement for his pursuit of Justice. Light believed until his last breath that his purpose was to rewrite the structure of the world and of the lived reality of humanity into a more ideal state, and that he did all that was possible towards that noble end. In the anime, the ending sequence was less vocal and more symbolic, hinting at an acceptance of defeat, or maybe a final silent self-justification fleeting through his mind as he reflected on his journey. This written confession will follow the same line of thought, as I tried my best to convey what Light would have wished to say if he had the time, the energy and the ability to do so.

❰❰✿❱❱

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—𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙈𝙖𝙣𝙞𝙛𝙚𝙨𝙩𝙤 𝙤𝙛 𝙖 𝘿𝙚𝙩𝙝𝙧𝙤𝙣𝙚𝙙 𝙏𝙮𝙧𝙖𝙣𝙩—

𝘽𝙮 𝙇𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩 𝙔𝙖𝙜𝙖𝙢𝙞

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I write this not as an apology, nor to ask for forgiveness, I write this because I feel — no I know — that the end is near. This is my final testament because I shall speak before I vanish, and my consciousness disappears with every single thought inside it. Make no mistake, I am not scared of dying for death is not an event of life, it is not "lived" through. The world may not change after me, despite my best efforts to do so, but there is this sacred clarity in the fading noise when death approaches, and I decide to take the chance to say a last few things.

I write not out of guilt, nor despair, nor hope to alter humanity's perception of me. I must say I do not even care for that perception to begin with, I always acted out of deep rooted beliefs that even mountains cannot shake, and it was always calculated, deliberate, purposeful. I was disappointed by the laws, by the humanity who made them, by the resulting state of affairs, and by the inherent injustice culminating in every corner. It is impossible to hide that our world is rotten to the core, ruled by people who look after their own benefit, and feel no indignation at the misery of others. Those who rule this world are so radically selfish that genocides in silence, millions of people starve while others drown in excess. The laws created to protect the weak are now a tool of power for the rich, the war criminals, filthy rapists and abs whose laughter fill the very courtrooms made to punish them, walking free after shattering endless lives, and this has always made me unbelievably disgusted, enraged and appalled. I see now that the judicial system became nothing but an unfunny weakly performed ritual and justice— justice was dead.

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Like a mindless fool, and despite my awareness, I became numb to the rage boiling in my veins and I watched all of it unravel in utter silence. I was waiting for someone, anyone to speak up, to do something, to begin the chain of change. Then by fate or perhaps chance, the most important event of my life occurred — I was chosen to become the New God of a ruined world, and after years of stillness. I was disillusioned as I finally awoken from my deep slumber. I saw the truth glaring at me and at that moment, I knew exactly what it is I had to do. I thought to myself that this must be the reason I was born into this world, knowing that nobody else will make even the first step to amend what was broken, or dare to get close to it. I understood in the loudest of silence, in under milliseconds that I had to become what I was so desperately hoping for and that very thought terrified me to the core. Yet power in itself was never really my goal, because deep underneath, what I was looking for was meaning. I still do not know if there was meaning to any of it, but I do not regret cleansing this world drowning in its own filth, and I would do it again in a heartbeat.

I saw potential — my own, my country's, humanity's — squandered by indecision. There was this disgusting cumulative sickness that only kept piling up, and someone had to take these decisions, that person had to be me. I grew up watching evil prosper and good men fall silent, the world fail to become what it could be, what it ought to be.I did not choose this, the world chose me, I was the world's necessary Sin. I took on the role of a ruthless executioner, not for pleasure or profit, but so that people no longer fear each other. It would be enough to fear "Me", to fear the perfect justice that befalls anyone who goes out of line impartially. Fear keeps Evil in check far more effectively than Law ever could, and to rid the world of monsters, you need to be willing to become one.I consider myself pragmatic and the math was very simple, the Greater Good is the greatest happiness for the greatest amount of people, and the trick to achieve that was by losing the shackles of moral compromise, of democratic inefficiency, for the world bleeds as we fail by the very fear of violent intervention.

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L, Mello, Near all believed in trials, in due process, in prisons, in slow justice, but I believed in results. I used to have a similar stand, my father was a detective who taught me to follow the law, who once gave me faith in the system. Yet being so close, I saw how repeat offenders get freed by technicalities, how corruption shielded the wealthy. The system was crumbling under the weight of its own structure, paralysed by process, corroded by cowardice, and I witnessed the law betray those it swore to protect. It is true I am cursed by the very world I tried to save, condemned by the very people I tried to help, but it is a price I am willing to pay for Justice. How many lives is one criminal worth? One, Three, Five? My guess is it is not worth anything at all, and if you truly desire peace, you must stop treating life as equal. I fail to comprehend why the morally corrupt deserve to continue existing even in principle. So as I found liberation, in the shape of a black notebook and an indifferent God of death, my first decision was to free the world from these parasites, to eliminate them entirely, alongside any others who corrode our society from within. I do not believe myself to have broken any laws, for I am the law, and I make the rules of the new world. It was about time for the new to overtake the old and condemn those who deserve it to Hell, even if I go to Hell with them.

So as Light or as Kira, it was never about murder at all, it was about balance, about restoring the equation of fear back into the hearts of evil, to bring consequences where comfort has settled. However, it is beyond being a utalitarian for me, because in a godless world shattered by inherited morality, I needed to break free. I became the divine, and only a man of courage can step outside the illusions of law and name himself sovereign. It is indeed arrogant to say this, but shall the world be governed by the ive will of the herd, or directed by the vision of the capable? The herd is a mirage, the will is in essence meaning — the act that gives shape to the formless, turning chaos into order. Such a thing cannot be belong to those who merely spectate, but to people like me, whose intentions and volition shape the future. It was the only reasonable thing to do, because creating a new code for the world was the only way the Death note could have been useful to the human race.

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As I write my final letter to the world, I how it felt to write the first name in the Death Note. It is very hard to describe the storm of emotions I felt, my trembling instincts, the hesitation in me while I silently crossed the forbidden invisible line. My hand shook with every letter and I deep down still hoped the notebook was a joke. Second time was different, less intense, done with a purpose, and at some point, I no longer even flinched. Even more so, I felt blessed, grateful, utterly absolved. Let others debate my morality as long as they wish, but I know what I did, and the reasons behind it. The truth remains that it was not moral erosion — it was clarity. I did not change to lose my vision, moral principles or my way as many people seem to think. It only happened that I came to a very important conclusion about how the world works: When power is yielded with purpose, it is not evil, it is "necessary" analogous to how a scalpel in the hands of a surgeon is not a murder weapon, it is "mercy".

I dedicated my life to use this divine inheritence — this providence — to help the world heal from its gaping painful wounds. It was a responsibility nobody could teach me how to carry, because nobody has the faintest idea how to create the Utopia that I dream of. There were no guidelines, no procedures, no lighthouses to show me the path in an evermoving black sea, and I was trying to find stable cornerstones as I sail blind. I cannot lie, that each life I took, stole a bit of my humanity an ounce at a time. But in order to create Justice, in order to fundamentally change the twisted ways of the world, to even envision it, to mend the shaky falling ruins. All this required sacrifice, and I gave myself fully, like a spark to the cleansing fire, to forge the destiny of the world with my own two hands.

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I did not only sacrifice my life, also my afterlife. For whoever uses this cursed note cannot go to either Heaven or Hell, and dissolves into "Mu". I am sentenced to the void, to nothingness, even if my consciousness could have practically transcendended to the other realm. What awaits me after everything is "Oblivion", and all my ambition, my intellect, my volition to change the world, all I am and all I could possibly be, all would just cease to be. I dreamed higher than men were permitted to, and I fell not from Grace but from Greatness. It hurts as hell to be aware of this, but maybe it is better, perhaps the immeasurable weight of all the lives I have taken, no matter how justified, would have sentenced me to Hell instead. Is this the true divine mercy? It is unknowable, but I feel no remorse and I do not regret my decision. I still firmly believe that my goal was noble, and that my methods were not only logical, but also ethically justified. I it I practiced some necessary cruelty, but not out of bloodlust or vengeance. I murdered some people that did not deserve it, because they were destroying the Utopia I am so desperatly trying to create, and the one I wished I hadn't killed the most is definitely L, because he was one of the few people who helped me feel less alone.

Power isolates, for in the eyes of the World I was akin to a deity, but in the abyss inside my own consciousness I felt less than human. I could no longer afford to love, to care, to trust for the price was immeasurable. I gave up companionship for ideals, I gave up love for dominion, I gave up my personhood playing God. Yet in the amidst of my internal turmoil, and vast loneliness, L was there. He was right to challenge me, also one of the rare people in this world who could. He made me think faster, clearer and sharper and he was the only one who for once made me doubt things. He truly saw me, not the facade I put up, he saw who I am underneath, and the force driving me from within. He was my intellectual equal and almost my friend, in the tragic way it was, because we could not possibly co-exist, not under these circumstances. We were two twin stars destined to extinguish one another, heading into colliding paths, slowly but inevitably. I did not want to be whose light was extinguished, but I respected him more than anyone. His death was necessary but it was the day this world lost its last honest mirror, and I it I felt sorrowful after killing him depsite the games I played to achieve it. I still wish we meet in a different life, and maybe not have to be rivals, and just be there as true equals.

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I hate bringing up the dead, for soon I will be one of them, and for the other reason they bring more shadows to my mind: Misa, Sayu, my father, especially my father. I used his name, his position, his trust. I lied to his face more times than I can count, and he died a man of unwavering principle. I wish I could apologise one last time. I regret having brought troubles into his life, and my family's life.I regret the many tactical mistakes that I made. I regret the way I used my own family as pawns for a Checkmate, and the lies I have endlessly told myself. I regret not killing with more precision, more wisdom, less impulsitivity. I regret the arrogance of thinking I could outlive all the lives I have taken, the illusion I could remain pure while having power over life and death. I regret that the world was within my grasp, my vision so near to completion only to crumble like a house of cards, irreversibly out of reach. I regret losing myself in the role I had to play, that I believed I should play, that I believed the world needed. I also specially feel bitter about having underestimated Near and his troupe, not in intelligence but in resolve, because in doing so, I lost not just the game — but the dream.

Had I not been caught — had the world not conspired to halt the march of Order — my vision would have reached its zenith. A world without crime, without wars, without terrorism and with minimal moral depravity. No tears spilled over what could be easily avoided, senseless deaths, immeasurable suffering, quiet acceptance of the indifference of the world, of the void it holds within. Justice would not be debated, it would just "be", and I would be the mysterious myth dragging it from the shadows, the nameless Phantom behind the curtains. I have never sought worship, only peace, even if I failed to find it, for the weight of my sins will forever haunt me, finds its way back to me, and I know I will eventually have to pay for everything I have done. Yet I feel pain at the sight of it, that I want to just forget, I wish I could live longer, see more of the world. Maybe in another life this has never happened and I used my intelligence to be a scientist, or made an invention to have my name go down in history, without ever having to carry the sole responsibility for the inherent flaws of the world. Humans prefer chaos in Freedom over order in Fear, and then ask for salvation, and it makes me question if humanity was even worth saving? I do not know the answer.

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What I know is that I was born from this world's apathy and indifference, in the blank space between belief and betrayal, and sooner or later the cycle will repeat itself. I created order and peace at the price of blood, but even if you dislike my method, you cannot deny how well it works. Crime rates have been at their lowest during my prime, world leaders were afraid to start wars knowing it puts their lives at risk, and even if their reason is nothing but fear and narcissism, it valued the life of those who otherwise had none in their eyes. It saved powerless countries from being crushed under the weight of greed, turned into a bloodbath while the world witnesses in the shadows. I was the world's fantasy made flesh, I gave the weak a voice to speak, I gave morality the ground to blossom. The prayers of retribution have finally been heard, justice has finally been served, and humanity had a short break where it enjoyed a moral high. Through fear or through deception, why does it matter if fewer people die? If fewer wars happen? If people finally feel safe? I am a tyrant but at least I care enough about this world to do something about it at the cost of my own life. What about you, what have you done at all?

I testify with unwavering certainty that Justice requires a figure of absolute authority, and after me, the world will decay again, dissolving back into its initial state of anarchy. It is true I have already lost the battle but if the world fears the rise of another Kira, if one soul sleeps safely because of me — I die justified. I certainly aimed to ascend unshaken, to remain in power, to keep my iron fist around the heart of evil. But instead I was cast down and dethroned from the divinity I viscerally carved with my blood, sweat and tears. As the weight of the end, of my sins, of grandiose mixed with venom befalls on me, I realise that I have shattered under the weight of the very system I sought to sur. I fought the degeneracy of the world however I concede — that I unknowingly have gone over the cliff of righteousness and became the very thing I originally condemned. Yet he hunger that bore me is eternal, the ache for Justice, the rage on apathy, the revolt agaisnt depravity. I etched my name into the fabric of reality and my legacy will revebrate across time, long after I am gone, for hundreds of generations to come. I will soon depart this transient world, not as a dire warning, nor a mere cautionary tale, but as a spectral enigma, a haunting paradox that defies resolution. Let the world ponder in vain for the question I leave behind cannot be truly unravelled, only endured.

— Had Kira prevailed, would the world not

have called his will Justice? —

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𝙄𝙄𝙄. ❰❰ 𝘼𝙛𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙙 ❱❱

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I really enjoyed writing this for it gave me an emotional creative space away from daily life's endless stressors. Light Yagami was my gateway to the world of manga and he always had a special place in my heart. Yet and as we move closer to the end of this entry, after having delved in the depth of the mind of a mass murderer, It becomes important to mention where I really stand. Here I must affirm that I hold fundamentally opposite views from Light and that I did not really him in the course of my engagement with Death Note. However I must also say that my disagreement comes from a place of deep understanding. I understood very well and from the very beginning where it was all going, the deep desires in his character, how it shaped him, how it moved him, and how it made him who he was. This entry is nothing but my understanding of him, and my interpretation of his actions, his decisions and the things he expressed throughout the story, phrased in his own words.

There is one thing I never doubted at all, and it was that Light believed every action of his to be justified, necessary and courageous. As paradoxical as it may seem, Light's actions even though drenched in blood stem from a place of goodness, and an idealistic yearning for a better world. His mind strived to etch a lasting mark of Order and meaning upon what he thought to be a disastrous state of affairs. He acted in alignment with a moral code of his own making and he was convinced of the righteousnous of his deeds, their "good" nature, and was consistent in what he believed to be so. Light is very egoistic, has a God-complex, a Saviour-complex, and possibly an inferiority complex at the very root, however he is also really selfless, and that is fascinating in its own sense. Light is intelligent enough to be cognizant of the fact it was not going to last forever, even if he denied it occasionally out of fear, but I think he knew all the same he was going to pay a huge price: the first being that he would dissolve into nothingness, and second that he had to sacrifice anything and everything he considered of value. This awareness did not stop him from continuing onto his path, and risking it all in the process.

There was another charming aspect about him and I do not mean his raw intelligence. What actually had the most effect on me as it all began was his innocence, his quiet acceptance and his quiet rage. Yet the glaring contrast from the above was that he possessed a naive view of the world, and a superficial understanding of how to fix it. It is worthy to mention that Light never really intended to become what he became. I honestly do not think it was even possible to predict it. The way power changes people and especially those who think they are using it for good is mostly a mystery, and depends largely on a multitude of factors. I can say at the beginning I thought he would remain within very limited defining lines — moral lines — that he considered to be uncrossable, for the simple reason he looked to be morally rigid to me. Truth is that he was indeed morally rigid but my impression was off the line in the sense his rigidness emananated from a starking loss of super-ego. There was absolutely no voice in his head ever telling him when to stop, he never or rarely thought that something he did was "wrong" or that he needed to reevaluate. It never occured to him in entirety and that was dangerous. It was at that point I came to the realisation that he was destined to fail.

As I wrap this up, I hope you enjoyed reading my entry and see you soon!

▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ 𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙀𝙣𝙙 ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬